Things I Learned From My Father

1. How bonds between elements are formed through the sharing of electrons in orbit.

2. How to saturate a brush with ink and water for maximum control of the medium.

3. How to analyze handwriting.

4. Why Bob Dylan is better than the Beatles and the Rolling Stones.

5. How to properly place a record needle onto a LP.

6. How to connect externals into the SCSI port and in what order, how to adjust levels on an imported image on Photoshop, how to partition a hard drive, what to do if it crashes anyway.

7. How to tell if someone is lying.

8. What jokes not to tell a child when you take them out to a restaurant.

9. How to swim.

10. That sometimes, no matter how hard you try, how matter who you’re hurting, you will give in to the patterns of behavior you are most accustomed to.

11. That my mother must always be thanked for every meal that she cooks.

12. What makes a long-running tv series great.

13.  That pre-civilized human beings had hair covering their bodies, the better to facilitate their motion through water.

14. That my grandmother pretended that she could read.

15. That Pablo Picasso was terrible to his wives.

16. When you are beginning as an artist it is important to copy the masters.

17. For the best French fries, the cut potatoes should soak in water to remove some of their starch.

18. That people can be jealous when you don’t care about the same things they do.

19. That I’m an introvert, but I can change.

20. I shouldn’t read Joseph Conrad because he manipulates the reader’s emotions.

21. We are due for another ice age.

22.  If your work place is a zoo and your behavior obsessive, you are a child and not an adult.

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